Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
