So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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