Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
