wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
