This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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