once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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