I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
