Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
