my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
