dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
