I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize