Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
