But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
