you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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