omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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