I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
