Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
