he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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