I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
