Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
