I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
