i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
