I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And then my night got REAL pukey
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
