also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I believe in your delicious
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
