i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
