Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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