Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
