Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
