Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
