my being single is dangerous.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
