i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
