If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
