those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
