My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
