When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
