She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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