Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
