I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
