I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
