i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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