K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
