So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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