Only a mothe r could love this liver
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
