No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
