I have demons in me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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