i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
