I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
