Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
