so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
