remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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