so let's talk penis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
