I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
