Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
