i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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