last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
