blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can I color on your dick again?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
