it hurts more in the daytime
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
