Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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